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Here's a guide to finding and maintaining the perfect partner.

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In the interests of both parties, therefore, please find below The Dalston Years' guide to finding and maintaining the perfect fuck buddy, or 'we’re not friends, and we never will be, but please put me and my friends on the concessions list for your club'. Sometimes, if times are reallydesperate, you can fake stumble into them and then ask them for a cigarette, but normally I find that smiling like a maniac whilst staring them out generally gets the ‘I’m into casual sex’ message across in an expedient and effective manner. Or at least, you would think it is – but unfortunately fuck buddies aren’t always the most reliable of lovers.

Ok, so in my experience this is usually a pretty straightforward endeavour: I’m not going to write a guide to pulling, I’m going to save that material for the slower winter months, but basically you want to go on a night out with Girl Gang and then make hot sexy eyes at any available man who takes your fancy. You see, as you’re not their girlfriend, they don’t have to hit all the marks, action-wise, every time. The gold standard you’re aiming for, really, is someone with such a massive pride thing (or hugely damaged ego), that they’re going to make it their mission to make you come, every time.

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